all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
