My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
