I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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