The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
