If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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