cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
