You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
