If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
