Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's always time for handjobs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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