yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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