sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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