super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
