Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
