He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
