yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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