my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
