Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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