You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
