Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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