Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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