I'm lost and stupid without you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
