do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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