i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
