found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
