she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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