just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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