Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
