I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
