hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
