An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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