I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pooping to opera.
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