She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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