she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
