This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
