Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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