I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
