fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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