My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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