I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
