She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my liver is dry heaving
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
