we have pet lesbian snakes
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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