At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
