3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
