why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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