haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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