How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
