Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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