The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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