Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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