my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
