Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
