Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well you can't waste a boner
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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