I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize