Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
