i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
