this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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