in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sext me about skeletons
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
