drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
