You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
