There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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