It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
