I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
