Your tits are I can't wait for
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
