hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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