What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
