i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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