I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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