Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
