i would punch a child for taco bell
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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