sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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