He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
