Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
