i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
